Loss

How do we deal with it?

Those days you feel low, like everything's wrong and everything that could possibly turn out wrong, does. That rock in your chest that you continuously try to subdue, in fear that if you let yourself go, you'll lose it all.

Answer: You suck it in, and face everyday with a smile on your face. You occupy yourself with everything you can possibly occupy yourself with, to keep your mind off the things that bring you down.

In truth, all that's doing is pushing your problems aside, and one day it'll all catch up with you. It's inevitable. It's like a puppy, craving for attention, in that brief moment where all it wants is to be petted and to be given attention. To be loved and noticed. The more you push it away, the harder it's going to swing back and hit you smack in the face. Until eventually you realise that to get rid of it, you're going to have to face it. Head on.

Yeah, it's scary. Who wouldn't be afraid to face something that does nothing but bring them down? I, for one, refuse to be pulled down.

Get rid of the shit that pulls you down, spread your wings and fly.

That's one of my many motto's that I live by. But somehow, I can't get rid of the shit, and it's taken me this long to see that i've been doing nothing but pushing aside my problems. What happens when there's no exam to study for? Or when sleeping to stop thinking doesn't stop the thoughts from clouding my mind? Even I dont know.

At this point of time, I feel completely lost. I have no idea where I'm headed. The future freaks me out, like seriously wigs the shit out of me. What if I don't pick myself up in time for AS? What if I don't get the grades to get into Monash OR IMU? There goes everything I worked my ass off in highschool to get.

I lived my life, and somehow along the way - I lost myself. Even now, I can't find myself. Maybe I'll defer for a year. And what if after that year of deferral I don't want to go back to study? See, my brain really is cluttered. I feel caught up in between this web, of things I want, things I need, things I have.. Things I dont have. There's not a day that I dont I wish it were easier.

After all this time, I've finally come to terms with what I need to do. I need to find myself again. I need to find who I really am, and no matter what it takes, I will do exactly that, because at the end of the day - it is your life, and you owe it to yourself to be happy.