Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Sara Bareilles
Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back
At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?
All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one
Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again
Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth
And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view
Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart
And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
It hurts to be here
I only wanted love from you
It hurts to be here
What am I gonna do?
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Undefined
Take a step back, fucking look at yourself. You are human. You are beautiful. You are so amazing. And you can be anything. You can be everything. Do not hate because someone broke your heart, or because your parents split up, your best friend betrayed you, the kid down the street called you fat, ugly, stupid, worthless. Do not concern yourself with things you cannot control. Cry when you need to, then let go when it's time. Don't hang onto painful memories just because you're afraid to forget. Let go of things that are in the past. Forget things that aren't worth remembering. Stop taking things for granted. Stop taking life for granted. Live for something. Live for yourself. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Do this over and over until you know what it really is to love someone. Question things. Tell people how you really feel. Sleep under the stars. Create. Imagine. Inspire. Share something wonderful. Make something beautiful and then destroy it. Meet new people. Make someone's day. Follow your dreams. Life your life to its full potential. Just live, damnit.
Let go of all the horrible things in your life and just, freaking live.
Let go of all the horrible things in your life and just, freaking live.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Loss
How do we deal with it?
Those days you feel low, like everything's wrong and everything that could possibly turn out wrong, does. That rock in your chest that you continuously try to subdue, in fear that if you let yourself go, you'll lose it all.
Answer: You suck it in, and face everyday with a smile on your face. You occupy yourself with everything you can possibly occupy yourself with, to keep your mind off the things that bring you down.
In truth, all that's doing is pushing your problems aside, and one day it'll all catch up with you. It's inevitable. It's like a puppy, craving for attention, in that brief moment where all it wants is to be petted and to be given attention. To be loved and noticed. The more you push it away, the harder it's going to swing back and hit you smack in the face. Until eventually you realise that to get rid of it, you're going to have to face it. Head on.
Yeah, it's scary. Who wouldn't be afraid to face something that does nothing but bring them down? I, for one, refuse to be pulled down.
Get rid of the shit that pulls you down, spread your wings and fly.
That's one of my many motto's that I live by. But somehow, I can't get rid of the shit, and it's taken me this long to see that i've been doing nothing but pushing aside my problems. What happens when there's no exam to study for? Or when sleeping to stop thinking doesn't stop the thoughts from clouding my mind? Even I dont know.
At this point of time, I feel completely lost. I have no idea where I'm headed. The future freaks me out, like seriously wigs the shit out of me. What if I don't pick myself up in time for AS? What if I don't get the grades to get into Monash OR IMU? There goes everything I worked my ass off in highschool to get.
I lived my life, and somehow along the way - I lost myself. Even now, I can't find myself. Maybe I'll defer for a year. And what if after that year of deferral I don't want to go back to study? See, my brain really is cluttered. I feel caught up in between this web, of things I want, things I need, things I have.. Things I dont have. There's not a day that I dont I wish it were easier.
After all this time, I've finally come to terms with what I need to do. I need to find myself again. I need to find who I really am, and no matter what it takes, I will do exactly that, because at the end of the day - it is your life, and you owe it to yourself to be happy.
Those days you feel low, like everything's wrong and everything that could possibly turn out wrong, does. That rock in your chest that you continuously try to subdue, in fear that if you let yourself go, you'll lose it all.
Answer: You suck it in, and face everyday with a smile on your face. You occupy yourself with everything you can possibly occupy yourself with, to keep your mind off the things that bring you down.
In truth, all that's doing is pushing your problems aside, and one day it'll all catch up with you. It's inevitable. It's like a puppy, craving for attention, in that brief moment where all it wants is to be petted and to be given attention. To be loved and noticed. The more you push it away, the harder it's going to swing back and hit you smack in the face. Until eventually you realise that to get rid of it, you're going to have to face it. Head on.
Yeah, it's scary. Who wouldn't be afraid to face something that does nothing but bring them down? I, for one, refuse to be pulled down.
Get rid of the shit that pulls you down, spread your wings and fly.
That's one of my many motto's that I live by. But somehow, I can't get rid of the shit, and it's taken me this long to see that i've been doing nothing but pushing aside my problems. What happens when there's no exam to study for? Or when sleeping to stop thinking doesn't stop the thoughts from clouding my mind? Even I dont know.
At this point of time, I feel completely lost. I have no idea where I'm headed. The future freaks me out, like seriously wigs the shit out of me. What if I don't pick myself up in time for AS? What if I don't get the grades to get into Monash OR IMU? There goes everything I worked my ass off in highschool to get.
I lived my life, and somehow along the way - I lost myself. Even now, I can't find myself. Maybe I'll defer for a year. And what if after that year of deferral I don't want to go back to study? See, my brain really is cluttered. I feel caught up in between this web, of things I want, things I need, things I have.. Things I dont have. There's not a day that I dont I wish it were easier.
After all this time, I've finally come to terms with what I need to do. I need to find myself again. I need to find who I really am, and no matter what it takes, I will do exactly that, because at the end of the day - it is your life, and you owe it to yourself to be happy.
Stupid song made me think of you
So today, I woke up about 10:20 to a text message from mom saying:
"dont forget to send your sister her lunch. latest 11am."
I was so comfortable, and the room was nice and cold, I wanted to sleep all day. But yeah, I had to send leilana her lunch. I miss KIS actually, it's like this bittersweet feeling. Saw Mr. Davies, talked for a while - he didnt know I could drive. Blablablah.
On the way home I called Tim, to wake him up. Then I picked him up, he came over and TRIED to study. Which failed miserably. He ended up watching last night's replay in 3D instead. dumbass. OH WELL.
Then we went to One Borneo with Try, Bing, Bong, Ki, and Adrian. Chilled and watched Johnny English - which is absolutely AMAZING btw. I laughed so hard, initially at the movie then I couldnt tell whether I was laughing at the movie or at Tryphena laughing. Laughing is healthy! Dont be hating.
Now I'm home. After sitting on the side of the road for almost an hour. The exact spot where I was told that I was all sorts of things, by the one person I never expected it to come from. I guess, it hurts. I'm not too sure. Because I feel quite numb right now.
Why do we bother?
"dont forget to send your sister her lunch. latest 11am."
I was so comfortable, and the room was nice and cold, I wanted to sleep all day. But yeah, I had to send leilana her lunch. I miss KIS actually, it's like this bittersweet feeling. Saw Mr. Davies, talked for a while - he didnt know I could drive. Blablablah.
On the way home I called Tim, to wake him up. Then I picked him up, he came over and TRIED to study. Which failed miserably. He ended up watching last night's replay in 3D instead. dumbass. OH WELL.
Then we went to One Borneo with Try, Bing, Bong, Ki, and Adrian. Chilled and watched Johnny English - which is absolutely AMAZING btw. I laughed so hard, initially at the movie then I couldnt tell whether I was laughing at the movie or at Tryphena laughing. Laughing is healthy! Dont be hating.
Now I'm home. After sitting on the side of the road for almost an hour. The exact spot where I was told that I was all sorts of things, by the one person I never expected it to come from. I guess, it hurts. I'm not too sure. Because I feel quite numb right now.
Why do we bother?
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Goodnight.
No girl should be treated like shit & pushed to the curb without a reason. No one’s perfect, girls get mad, they get sad, & if they’re jealous, that just shows you how much she wants you. All the good girls are the ones that get taken advantage of. When in reality, they should be treated like a queen, but instead they settle for less, for one simple guy that hurts her everyday & yet she never loved him less.
Entwined
Watch the dusking sun kiss the sea, so divine
Oh blushing Sea, turning into blood wine
I wonder how long this rapture will last
For how long the sea, with its spell will cast
And soon might crimson turn into embrace tight
When sun will love sea away from everyone's sight
Night that's absconding over the sun's burning cast
Yet again, sea will melt in the sun's shadow surpassed
On their romance the sky would spy through starry eyes
When waves rise and they both hide
They love so desperate that every second forever last
Who knows when morning knocks and bright rays blast
Day 13
I had a very good start to my day.
We (Tim, Bing, Bong, Adrian and I) went to watch Manchester United play against Chelsea at Salim. Manchester 3, Chelsea 1! WOOOOOOOOOOOO! Kesian la bing, he's a Chelsea fan. Lotsa crap talking was done during the match, which equals to lots of laughing.
Man, these boys really make me happy :)
Anyways, yesterday I didnt do much - stayed at home most of the day, cause I was too damn tired to do anything. But I did manage to go out and buy myself Grey's Anatomy Season 7! ASLKJFDOI£Q(*DFSKJ It's SO good. Also, I managed to get a good half an hour at the beach.
I dont know why, but I feel drawn to the ocean right now. It's funny how on the surface, the waves may be thrashing backwards and forwards but underneath it's as calm and serene as it ever could be. Or vice versa, the water is so calm it's almost mirror-like, but underneath the undercurrent, being extremely violent.
Maybe, that's how I feel. Everyday having to put on a mask and pretend that I'm fine, and that im over everything, when really - i'm no where close. Bleh.
I guess I'll end this here. I realised that the space bar on my laptop is really loud and my mom and sister are asleep. (Yes, i'm sleeping in my mom's room.)
Loving you, as always,
F
We (Tim, Bing, Bong, Adrian and I) went to watch Manchester United play against Chelsea at Salim. Manchester 3, Chelsea 1! WOOOOOOOOOOOO! Kesian la bing, he's a Chelsea fan. Lotsa crap talking was done during the match, which equals to lots of laughing.
Man, these boys really make me happy :)
Anyways, yesterday I didnt do much - stayed at home most of the day, cause I was too damn tired to do anything. But I did manage to go out and buy myself Grey's Anatomy Season 7! ASLKJFDOI£Q(*DFSKJ It's SO good. Also, I managed to get a good half an hour at the beach.
I dont know why, but I feel drawn to the ocean right now. It's funny how on the surface, the waves may be thrashing backwards and forwards but underneath it's as calm and serene as it ever could be. Or vice versa, the water is so calm it's almost mirror-like, but underneath the undercurrent, being extremely violent.
Maybe, that's how I feel. Everyday having to put on a mask and pretend that I'm fine, and that im over everything, when really - i'm no where close. Bleh.
I guess I'll end this here. I realised that the space bar on my laptop is really loud and my mom and sister are asleep. (Yes, i'm sleeping in my mom's room.)
Loving you, as always,
F
Saturday, September 17, 2011
FUCK YEAH IT DELETED
The video deleted! Finally! So happeh.
But a short shout out to Aina who commented on it:
I miss you everyday baby, I promise to visit you soon :) or well, soonish. Maybe at the end of the year x
I hope everything's treating you alright,
love you!
And to tryphena, who undoubtedly saw the video :)
thank you for being my rock when I can't hold myself up.
love you forever.
PS: Good luck with physics practical tomorrow ♥
Sigh.
OKAY! Onto greater things, like.. downloading more books.
But a short shout out to Aina who commented on it:
I miss you everyday baby, I promise to visit you soon :) or well, soonish. Maybe at the end of the year x
I hope everything's treating you alright,
love you!
And to tryphena, who undoubtedly saw the video :)
thank you for being my rock when I can't hold myself up.
love you forever.
PS: Good luck with physics practical tomorrow ♥
Sigh.
OKAY! Onto greater things, like.. downloading more books.
Day 12
Good afternoon, bloggers.
After my very embarrassing video last night, one which I am failing to delete, because it won't load past the delete post button. Wtf. I just decided to post a little short something, in hopes of it covering up my misery.
So Kevin came over last night, and we talked about his issues. And it seems like, everyone's taking everyone for granted. It's pure bullshit. Someone gives you their heart and you just go "oh alright, thats nice." then move on? Ugh. Some people.
Anywayyyyyyyyyy, today I plan on editing more pictures then going out later to develop them, should be fun. But I'm also kinda tired and lazy seeing as I slept at about 5.30am :/
And on that note, I think i'm going to go and look for more books to read, now.
After my very embarrassing video last night, one which I am failing to delete, because it won't load past the delete post button. Wtf. I just decided to post a little short something, in hopes of it covering up my misery.
So Kevin came over last night, and we talked about his issues. And it seems like, everyone's taking everyone for granted. It's pure bullshit. Someone gives you their heart and you just go "oh alright, thats nice." then move on? Ugh. Some people.
Anywayyyyyyyyyy, today I plan on editing more pictures then going out later to develop them, should be fun. But I'm also kinda tired and lazy seeing as I slept at about 5.30am :/
And on that note, I think i'm going to go and look for more books to read, now.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
No time
This says everything I need to say.
Sorry I havent been writing recently, been really caught up with school and such.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Salim.
So I'm in Salim now, with the boys. Waiting for the Manchester United match to start, but I'm already falling asleep.. What is it with me and my inability to stay awake past 11.30? :/ I want the holidays back. I could sleep late, but most importantly wake up late.
On the up side, Sabah won against Kedah 2-1! SABAH HAWKS REPRESENT.
I've come to a conclusion, after the breakup I realized that my feelings for him werent fading.. As fast as I'd like them to be, mainly because I have to see him everyday, and because I hang out with people in places that remind me of everything we used to be and used to do. My phone password hasn't changed yet either. My god, I sound pathetic.
Truthfully? I just haven't gotten over him, because I'm not ready yet. It's as simple as that. The pain of the break up is still fresh, like it happened yesterday, and seeing him still brightens my day. It's funny how we said we could still be friends but now treat eachother like complete strangers.
"maybe that's just your way, of dealing with the pain, forgetting everything between our rise and fall.. Like we never loved at all."
Faith Hill always has songs that completely relate to the situation. It's frustrating. When you have so much to say but you can't say it.
There are moments where I just feel like picking up my phone and texting him but within that split second; I put my phone down and occupy myself with other things. I just wish someone would create a handbook for how to get over the people you really care(d) about. Sigh.
On the up side, Sabah won against Kedah 2-1! SABAH HAWKS REPRESENT.
I've come to a conclusion, after the breakup I realized that my feelings for him werent fading.. As fast as I'd like them to be, mainly because I have to see him everyday, and because I hang out with people in places that remind me of everything we used to be and used to do. My phone password hasn't changed yet either. My god, I sound pathetic.
Truthfully? I just haven't gotten over him, because I'm not ready yet. It's as simple as that. The pain of the break up is still fresh, like it happened yesterday, and seeing him still brightens my day. It's funny how we said we could still be friends but now treat eachother like complete strangers.
"maybe that's just your way, of dealing with the pain, forgetting everything between our rise and fall.. Like we never loved at all."
Faith Hill always has songs that completely relate to the situation. It's frustrating. When you have so much to say but you can't say it.
There are moments where I just feel like picking up my phone and texting him but within that split second; I put my phone down and occupy myself with other things. I just wish someone would create a handbook for how to get over the people you really care(d) about. Sigh.
Day 3 and Day 4
Yesterday was alright, went to school as usual - left with Bing, Bong, Tim & Adrian. Had to squish in the smallest car possible. Me being in the middle as usual, but my ass is smaller than theirs so :3 thats a good and a bad thing all in one. Went to makan at Upperstar Lintas thennnnn - I GOT TO DRIVE!
So scary man, shiets. I've never driven a fighter in my life. Hahaha, but was way fun. Blablablablah - I went to tuition. Came home, got ready then went to D' Junction for the opening of Jon Paradise. Who, btw is amazing.
Today I went to watch the Smurfs again, with my little sister, Bong and Tim :) So cute.
And now, I'm sitting here waiting for Victor to pick me up to go to the stadium to watch Sabah Hawks! :D my first Sabah game! So excited! I feel like a little kid who just got candy. But I have a problem, I dont have anything red to wear.
Biarlah. I'll just go in Blue! Cause I've always been blue house :P Teehee.
Today's a good day. I'll write again later!
Love, F
So scary man, shiets. I've never driven a fighter in my life. Hahaha, but was way fun. Blablablablah - I went to tuition. Came home, got ready then went to D' Junction for the opening of Jon Paradise. Who, btw is amazing.
Today I went to watch the Smurfs again, with my little sister, Bong and Tim :) So cute.
And now, I'm sitting here waiting for Victor to pick me up to go to the stadium to watch Sabah Hawks! :D my first Sabah game! So excited! I feel like a little kid who just got candy. But I have a problem, I dont have anything red to wear.
Biarlah. I'll just go in Blue! Cause I've always been blue house :P Teehee.
Today's a good day. I'll write again later!
Love, F
Thursday, September 8, 2011
K.
K? K what?
The letter before L, the letter after J?
Did you know that in JK, K stands for 'kidding'.
So your reply is 'kidding'?
Or K as in Potassium?
Do you need some Special K in your breakfast?
K, as in I can K/O you?
Can I knock you out and feed you to hungry sharks?
Sharks has a K in it too.
K, as in you're too 'kool' to spell cool with a C?
But what kind of answer would C, be?
That's just as bad as K.
I live in a town called Kota Kinabalu,
in short form its called KK.
So that's double the 'K' you'll ever have.
K!?
SLDKFJ)*£Q)KFLDKJSF9034820-023409808)(*£)"(*!_039ewd
I hate one letter answers.
K.
Thx.
Bai.
:)
The letter before L, the letter after J?
Did you know that in JK, K stands for 'kidding'.
So your reply is 'kidding'?
Or K as in Potassium?
Do you need some Special K in your breakfast?
K, as in I can K/O you?
Can I knock you out and feed you to hungry sharks?
Sharks has a K in it too.
K, as in you're too 'kool' to spell cool with a C?
But what kind of answer would C, be?
That's just as bad as K.
I live in a town called Kota Kinabalu,
in short form its called KK.
So that's double the 'K' you'll ever have.
K!?
SLDKFJ)*£Q)KFLDKJSF9034820-023409808)(*£)"(*!_039ewd
I hate one letter answers.
K.
Thx.
Bai.
:)
Part of Today's Playlist.
Our God - Chris Tomlin
Science & Faith - The Script
Someone Like You - Adele
Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5
Titanium - Sia ft. David Guetta
Awakening - Switchfoot
Afterlife - Avenged Sevenfold
Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine
Sing - My Chemical Romance
Day 2
Hello bloggers,
Today was very uneventful. I didnt go to school because of the damn migraine, spent a good part of the day sleeping - much needed sleep I reckon. But I feel guilty for not studying as much as I should've been; I didnt go to tuition as well.
Going to stay up tonight to get some uber studying done. I've got a Chemistry MCQ tomorrow, I have no idea where she pulls all these tests out from. Studies are stressing me out; plus the ongoing emotional battle in my head/heart has gone into overdrive. It's tiring.
But on the bright side. It's Friday tomorrow! TGIF! Kevin's got a gig at D' Junction so I'll be spending my night over there with Wellington and maybe a friend as well (: Should be all good.
As for how angry I am at the world.. I think having a day off from school helped kill my anger just a little bit. Which is always good.
On the other hand, everybody's breaking up. I don't get it. Hello, break-up season. This just gives me a reason to hate guys more than I actually do. I understand that girls are to blame as much as guys are in certain ways. But recently, the bitchiness of guys have escalated by a shit load. It's scary. You want to break up, fine. Break it off, but do you really have to add those snide comments/remarks just to make us feel worse about ourselves? No wait, you do that only to make yourself feel better. My bad.
It's ridiculous.
Relationships are overrated :)
Today was very uneventful. I didnt go to school because of the damn migraine, spent a good part of the day sleeping - much needed sleep I reckon. But I feel guilty for not studying as much as I should've been; I didnt go to tuition as well.
Going to stay up tonight to get some uber studying done. I've got a Chemistry MCQ tomorrow, I have no idea where she pulls all these tests out from. Studies are stressing me out; plus the ongoing emotional battle in my head/heart has gone into overdrive. It's tiring.
But on the bright side. It's Friday tomorrow! TGIF! Kevin's got a gig at D' Junction so I'll be spending my night over there with Wellington and maybe a friend as well (: Should be all good.
As for how angry I am at the world.. I think having a day off from school helped kill my anger just a little bit. Which is always good.
On the other hand, everybody's breaking up. I don't get it. Hello, break-up season. This just gives me a reason to hate guys more than I actually do. I understand that girls are to blame as much as guys are in certain ways. But recently, the bitchiness of guys have escalated by a shit load. It's scary. You want to break up, fine. Break it off, but do you really have to add those snide comments/remarks just to make us feel worse about ourselves? No wait, you do that only to make yourself feel better. My bad.
It's ridiculous.
Relationships are overrated :)
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Apa hal, bro?
That's all I needed. Someone to frickin, understand.. I dont need your advice or personal opinions on the matter. I dont even want you to get involved.
I dont see what's so hard, ugh.
I dont see what's so hard, ugh.
I feel like, repainting my room, rearranging it, so I have more floor space, I need a new desk, I have to throw out lotsa clothes to make space for the new ones, blablablah.
I'm so stressed out and angry with the world, right now.
NOTGOOOOOOOD.
I'm so stressed out and angry with the world, right now.
NOTGOOOOOOOD.
Addicted
Thanks to Selwyn, I'm addicted to this song.
Although I have to say it has an amazing beat
Although I have to say it has an amazing beat
& lovely words (:
Day 1
I woke up this morning and told myself: "I'm not going to be sad anymore."
I refuse to be known as the girl who got dumped. I refuse to be weak. Seeing him everyday sets something off in my head, an alarm bell of sorts. Telling me to stay away.
I refuse to be known as the girl who got dumped. I refuse to be weak. Seeing him everyday sets something off in my head, an alarm bell of sorts. Telling me to stay away.
I don't understand why people bother falling in love. At the end, all it gets you is hurt. The moment you start to care, is the moment you get hurt. It's nonsensical. Or maybe my head tells me its nonsensical. But it is non-the-less.
Maybe I'm just cold hearted.
Or maybe, I'm just sick of being given reasons why I should never fall for anyone too hard.
This is making me lose my mind.
This is making me lose my mind.
My feelings are, everywhere.
And I'm feeling everything, at once.
Goddamnit.
And I'm feeling everything, at once.
Goddamnit.
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