When I feel like I can't get back up, I remind myself that i've to

Because it's the only thing I can do.

10 REASONS TO SMILE:

1. It makes you attractive.
2. It changes your mood.
3. It is contagious.
4. It relieves stress.
5. It boosts your immune system.
6. It lowers your blood pressure.
7. It releases endorphins, natural pain killers and serotonin - natural antidepressant.
8. It lifts the face and makes you look younger.
9. It makes you seem successful.
10. It helps you stay positive.

Yellow.

So today was a good day,

went out for lunch with tim :) then had a family photoshoot with louis pang. Ended up going to shamrock with la familia, I saw Rich & auntie Dora, probably going to work either in the kitchen or behind the bar whenever they're short on staff.

Atleast i'd be doing something productive with my life, heh.

Saw Auntie Mariko as well! It's been too long, apparently Chris and Rika are now staying with the father in HK. AND RIKA IS TALLER THAN HER MOM, she's only eleven! Mad stuff.

I went to watch MI4 with baby & tryphena just now, such an awesome movie. But sitting in the second row isn't too fun on the neck muscles. Oh wells, then we went to up2u, which was packed with people most of which i kinda, sorta, knew.. somehow. Very weird.

And now i'm home, sitting on my laptop, writing this & skyping with my syg. I'm all packed and ready to lock and load for tomorrow, the only problem is, I'm not sure how I'm planning on mixing drinks for tmrw, cause.. I don't have any cocktail recipes. D'oh!

Epic fail on my half, I guess I'll just be up all night looking for recipes and tumbling :)

Love lots,

F

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year!

Sup, guys?! It's that time of year again, huh?

I hope all of you had a spectacular christmas;

Santa has been absolutely amazing to me this year,

hence the fact i'm blogging off my new MacBook Pro!

& my sayang's coming back tonight.

:D

LOVE YOU SANTA.

I'm off to be nerdy again,

peace out, kitties.

have a purrfect new years!

:)

I will not let anything take away, whats standing infront of me.

Day 16: A picture of someone who inspires you.

Sorry, but too many people inspire me in so many different ways, i'll write an actual blog post about this one day :)

Day 15: A picture of something you want to do before you die.

One day, I shall take on the world, and face my fear of heights. DAMN STRAIGHT BRO.

Day 14: A picture of something you could never imagine your life without.

This one's a simple one, my parents. They are the ones that keep me going, and also the ones that annoy me the most, but nevertheless, I still love them from the bottom of my heart :)

Day 13: A picture of your favorite band or artist.

See, the problem with this is that I listen to anything and everything - and I have my favourite artists/bands from each genre, so I can't say I have any particular favourite band or artist. But here's what I'm obsessed with right now;





Florence and the Machine <3

Day 12: A picture of something you love.

Heh. Heh. I think this post is illegal.

Heeeeh. <3

kthxbai.

... whaaaaat? I love many things, and people.. :3 teehee.

omgrlywtfkthxbaibbqsauce.

Day 11: A picture of something you hate.

Spiders.... and cockroaches. Even writing this post i'm getting that retarded feeling in my tummy. Ugh.

... I'll never forget the time there was a flying.. A FLYING FUCKING COCKROACH IN MY HOUSE and Tim threw something at me. No Tim, it's not funny :( I'm really scared okay? UGH.

Thank you Tryphena, for saving me from that shiet.

Day 10: A picture of the person you do the most crazy things with.

Meet tryphena.

I can't even begin to explain all the crazy stuff we've done.

Crazy as nights at Whiteroom, Firefly and BED. :P
Looking for hiding places so I could orange without 'someone' finding out.

Studying at Yoyo from opening time to closing time.

Wading out into the water and getting our pants soaking wet.

Making fun of people we don't like.

HAHAHAHAHA.

It doesnt even end there,

love you.

Day 09: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

I can't choose a person, i'm sorry. This has to be a tough one - but these are a few people who've helped me get through the worst of times :)

I wouldn't ask for more than what I've got right here, right now.

♥

love you all to bits, forever and ever.

Day 08: Pictures that make me laugh.

Day 07: A picture of my most treasured item.

I would post a picture, but I really dont have a picture of my laptop or phone :P But yeah, you get the jist of it! Heh.

Day 06: A Person I'd Love to Trade Places with for a Day.

This be my jie jie. :) Danielle.

I chose her because, I've always wondered what it'd be like living in her shoes, how she finds the strength to carry on even after the world turns its back on her. Most importantly, I'd like for her to be in my shoes for a day so she knows just how much I love her, and just how many people care about her.

You'll always be the strength I look for when I'm down.

Love you, jie.

Day 05: A Picture of My Favourite Memory.

Since I've got so many favourite memories, I have to say this one really reached out and grabbed me by the neck. This was taken the week I was bound for Sunway, these amazing people, are my bestfriends - and always will be. Ami, Typhaine, Ka Liong and Woong Jun :) I think there's a whole album of these pictures on facebook, its on Ami's profile though.

Mostly, I think, this memory got my attention because nothing's the same anymore - Ami, Typhaine and I, we're not as close as we used to be. Woong Jun didn't end up coming to IS, instead he went to INTI, and Ka Liong, hah. That boy, he went all the way to Rossall School, in England.

They'll always have a special place in my heart, always.

I don't deserve someone like you

Better With You.

So maybe I've got a lot to learn.Or maybe I'm just hangin' on my words.Maybe it's not a big concern.But, if I raise my hand will I understand why I'm better with you?
So maybe there's not a lot to sayOr maybe i've grown doin' things my way (Yeah)Or maybe things will be okay.But if I get it together and do something clever, I'll make it better with you
So tell me, where did I go wrong before you?Before you came along, well it seems like i was lost.You showed me how to do things right, now I'm, so glad that now you're mine.So let me say it all again.
So maybe there's not a lot to do.or maybe I'm just makin myself confused.Or maybe i've got nothin' to lose.But if I get out of line, just tell me you're mine, and how I'm better with you.
So tell me, where did I go wrong before you?Before you came along, well it seems like I was lost.You showed me how to do things right, now I'm, so glad that now you're mine.
So use me, don't let me screw it up.I believe you oh, I need your touch.Just a little spice of you could never be too muchI believe you oh, I need you nowto make it better all somehow.To make it better all somehow.
So tell me, where did I go wrong before you?Before you came along, well it seems like I was lost.You showed me how to do things right, now I'm, so glad that now you're mine.
So use me, don't let me screw it up.I believe you, oh, I need your touch.Just a little spice of you could never be too muchI believe you oh, I need you nowto make it better all somehow.To make it better all somehow.

Day 04: A picture of your favourite night.

So this one's pretty difficult, I can't choose which is my favourite night;

but i'll select a few amazing nights to write about :)

This, is my beautiful family :) they took me out clubbing before I left for Sunway last year, I couldn't ask God for a better family because I already have the best, I mean, how often do you find aunties and uncles which take you out clubbing on your last day in KK? Craaaaaaaaaaaaaazy night! I love them all to pieces, and I dont know what I'd do without them.

Nikki Hills, ahh.. what would I be without you? This picture was taken during KTJ House Singing, Jawahir is hot to go, H-O-T-T-O-G-O! :) I'll be seeing you very very soon, syg. I hope uni's treating you good x

This was sometime last december, Hadi and Azmi came down to KK from Brunei, and Kenley finally came back from Canada (I'm still upset that you're not coming back this year btw.) We decided to hit the clubs one night, and this was the result, lots of alcohol and dancing. Although quite a bit of shit went down that night :p

I think this was the first night I took tryphena out, and we went to sutera and just sat on the rocks, talking and stuff, it was also the first time she went to up2u. Lots of laughs, and good times. Stupidity radiates off the picture above, and that for me - is the best way to spend a night.

I sneaked out to watch the last Sabahawks game with these guys :) They're the most amazing bunch of people i've ever met, and as I tweeted that night:

'Who needs a boyfriend when you have best guyfriends who'll go watch football with you?'

You guys know I'll always be here if there's anything, and I mean ANYTHING - I got yo' backkkkkkkk(s?).

Much love,

Francine.

Day 03: A picture of the cast from my favorite show.

Grey's Anatomy, will forever be my favourite tv show, it's got everything really, a good blend of wits, seriousness, sarcasm, drama, action, and each episode never fails to captivate me completely.

Day 02: A Person Who I've been the Closest with for the longest.

You see this beautiful girl? Yeah, her name's Dana Lim, and she is and forever will be my bestfriend/sister. I've known her since primary school, Seventh Day Adventist Palau ftw!

We've gone from arguing about small things, that even I cant remember, to smooshing eggs, flour and flower petals in attempt to create paint on the balcony of our friends' house trying to be very quite in case her mom found us, making mudcakes AHAHAHAHA, swimming by some beach and then freaking out because we saw shadows in the water, trying to get out but sinking thigh-deep in mud, then scrambling on our tummies to the top of the beach.

After I left, she left as well, for Guam. And I haven't seen her in forever. But when we do talk, we manage to engross ourselves in talks about sexy mexican men, and taco hats, and.. Mustaches like the one on Mr. Pringle dude.

Words cannot fully describe how much I miss her, it's even worse now that she's in San Jose, and I'm still stuck in Malaysia. But one day we'll meet again, hopefully someday soon.

I miss you everyday, baby girl.

You'll always be the crazy half that completes me,

into an.. even crazier me.

MILK MUSTACHE!
If by any chance you read this,
please do know that I'm always thinking of you;

and you really should get skype.
Cause this time difference thing is driving me nuts.

I never know when to call.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the person i've been the closest with for the longest time ♥

Look what I found:

I can't believe I was fourteen when this was taken,
feels like forever ago.

Day 01: A picture of me, and 10 facts about me.

Yeah, I know.. My hair doesn't look like this anymore - but it will soon!

---

1. I have a stationery obsession. Whenever I walk into a store which sells stationery, it's a must to buy something, its the bright colours that attract me.
2. You rarely see me without my earphones on. The reason? Music just makes sense to me. The different beats and the lyrics seem to say all the words I want to say, but cant.
3. I get very creative when i'm angry. If you ever see me while i'm angry, i'll either open a sketch pad and start drawing, or i'll actually get an art canvas out and paint.
4. Dance. That word means the world to me, it's the only way I can truly express myself, if you give me a dance floor, I'll be the happiest girl on Earth.
   
5. People tend to think that I'm crazy and wild.. Well, I'm not. Yes, I go clubbing with my friends once in a while, and yes, I drink a little, but really - on any other given day, i'd choose staying home, snuggling under the blanket, with hot chocolate & a really good book. I just want to have fun once in a while, you should try it too, one day :)
6. I'd take a bullet for the people I love, without thinking twice. I don't care who you are, but if you fuck with them, i'll fuck with you. I would imagine it's pretty standard that you'd do that for the people you care the most about.
7. I have nine piercings. I'm not stopping there though. Hahaha. I think I'll get the top of my ear pierced tomorrow :3 either that or my tongue! AMAGAD, okay I think I'm getting a little too excited about this. (try pinching the top of your ear really hard, it hurts like a bitch.... I just did it to see if I could stand the pain. HAHAHAHA)
8. I'm actually pretty uncomfortable in my own skin. My weight, and shit like that. It's a horrible feeling; but oh well.
9. I used to have nine cats in my house. Then my mom gave away seven. Sigh, I love cats, it's ironic though, that i'm allergic to them. Oh well, I love my nyunyu and sunshine :3
10. While doing this entire thing, one thing was on my mind.
    
    

    You're the fire to my extinguisher.

    
    
    don't worry if you don't get it, you don't have to :)

Much love,

Franciiine

Stolen.

So I stole this challenge thing from bella's blog, (THANKSBELLALOVEYOUMISSYOUBAI!) since i've run out of things to write about, I just thought this would be fun to do!

Day 01: A picture of yourself with 10 facts.
Day 02: A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
Day 03: A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04: A picture of your favourite night.
Day 05: A picture of your favourite memory.
Day 06: A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07: A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08: A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10: A picture of the person you do the most crazy things with.
Day 11: A picture of something you hate.
Day 12: A picture of something you love.
Day 13: A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14: A picture of something you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15: A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16: A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17: A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18: A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19: A picture and a letter.
Day 20: A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.
Day 21: A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22: A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23: A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24: A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25: A picture of your favorite day.
Day 26: A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27: A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28: A picture of something you’re afraid of.
Day 29: A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30: A picture of someone you miss.

let the fun begin!

Youll always be the dream that fills my head.

♥

You know I won't give in.

AS is almost over, and words can't describe how thrilled I am for all this to finally be over.. But I feel overloaded with a lot of shit, and I dont even know how to juggle things anymore - about now, i'd turn to my sister for advice, but since she's busy with her own stuff, plus time difference etc. It's a little difficult to find the time to talk to her.

I feel so exhausted all the time, in every sense of the word. Even I dont know why.. The only thing I'm looking forward to is Friday, which is movie night with my besties. Cause I know that's the only time the only thing on my mind will be.. when the scary part of the movie is going to be, and in which direction I should hide my face. LOL

I dont know, I really dont know anymore. Blehhhh.

Love always,
Francine.

I miss -

Their flyers are amazing! Though some of the moves are illegal, or were illegal, during my time. Ugh, whatever.

I miss cheer sooooo bad. Ugh, not even flexy anymore. NEVERMIND, i am determined to be able to do the splits :3

Let's get Violent!

Say hello to my latest addiction,

Violent Lips

They're an American product, and they've all sorts of crrrrazy as designs! The best part? They're FDA approved, and all the products used for it are vegan, PLUSSSSSS, they test on supermodels NOT animals :D

They're pretty pricey though, the two i've shown above are about $14.90 each. But all worth it.

Dont get on my bad side.

Why is it every single time I want to blog, someone has to go and piss me off? Hmm? Goddamn. Oh well, whatever.

Today was sorta productive I reckon - I studied for a while, then went over to tryphena's place and sang off key and played with her kittens :3 I dont know how to spell her cat's name so.. I'm gonna call it meow meow and tummy :p

I ate mcd's for the first time in about two months today! So good. Umm, then I went out with Tim, we watched In Time, yknow the justin timberlake movie. Eesh. So disappointing, I was expecting a lot more actually.

The only thing for me that made the movie were the dresses Amanda Seyfried was using, and her heels were to die for!

blah blah blah. I'm home now.

Just finished updating my sister's ipod and ipad -.-

ANd I have no mood to do shit now.

FUCK YOU, SERIOUSLY. FUCK YOU.

:)

bitchinnn (part 2)

I'm spamming my blog with videos because they're just so much cooler than writing all the time. Hahahaha. But no, really - i've been really really lazy to write recently, so i reckon vlogging is a good alternative.

I'm probably going to start vlogging more often too. And I'll include external videos of what happened during the day and stuff. :)

And yes, that's a liverpool shirt. Was too lazy to put on my PJ's so I grabbed a jersey outta my wardrobe instead. I still bleed red for Manchester United though. So.. GLORY GLORY all the way!

F

xxxxx

PS. I'm rly sorry about the quality of the video my room's really dark and i had to play with the backlights and the gamma on my camera, as well as brightness and contrast.

bitchinnn

Hai. I'm having a very bad day, and if you wish not to be annoyed the fuck out of I suggest you dont watch this video;

if you want a summary -

it's just about relationships, and how blinded people are by it, and the question of the day:
What's the point?

Yes. K. Thx. Bai.

X marks the spot.

I’ve always been horrible in relationships and he was the last person i’d ever want to hurt.

(Y)

Engkau lah destinasi ku.

WTF

I don't know what to say,

my words normally flow with grace,
but today's a different day,

and maybe, just maybe i'll leave this place.

My mind is cluttered with nonsensical junk,
words and feelings tied in a bunch.
Sometimes they make me scream: 'What the fuck!'
But right now, not so much.

I keep myself busy,
doing things to keep it off my mind.
but lately i've been feeling pretty lazy,
and into my head these thoughts seem to find.

I really don't know what to say.
I wish this was ballet,
so i could just smile and plie,

and disappear.

This rhyming thing sucks,
it sucks donkey balls.
but really i dont give two fucks,
i'm filled with 'neverminds' and 'screw alls.'

There goes my inspiration,

flying out the window.
I'm stuck in a place of desperation,

so I really think i'ma go to my window.
(i can't think of anything that rhymes with window)

This was an epic fail,
next time i'll write in detail,
TTFN, tata for now.
I'll check in again somehow.

F

Right now?

Wait what? did you say something?

Oh, you're sorry?

Pfft. Yeah, fuck you.

So I finally got round to it.

I've finally gathered up the balls to upload the snippet of tryphena and i, covering California King Bed by Rihanna. Was all done spontaneously.

No judging :p

Everybody stops and staring at me!

So today, was somewhat productive.

Woke up early today, went to pick Andrew up from his house and then went for breakfast in Karamunsing Capital. Initially we wanted to go to Peppermint, but where CKM and I parked the closest shop was Fook Yuen, so we went, checked out the food, I wanted noodles, and CKM wanted rice and they had neither! Can you believe it? So we went to Old Town, Tryphena joined us there. Had breakfast and then we chao-ed to sutera.

Met William, LSK and Bong there. Studied for a while - but then got distracted and somehow all of us ended up on the floor outside the chart room. One thing came to another and we all decided to watch Real Steel at 2PM. Such an awesome movie. I think today was one of my more memorable days, we reached Suria, then attempted to eat lunch at secret recipe. Failed miserably, so ended up tapau-ing then literally ran to catch our movie.

Inside the cinema we all tried to eat our food.. EPIC FAIL. They didnt give us any cutlery. Dumbasses. But yeah, I've never cried that much in a movie before. And to think it wasnt even supposed to be a sad movie. LOL.

Came home, washed my car :3 now it's sparkly clean. Tomorrow morning I guess I'll vacuum it. Then do some other chores, and I'll disappear with my posse of male creatures for the rest of the day. Watching Real Steel, AGAIN. Cause it's just that good! But yeah, I had to stay home and babysit Leilana, so all my plans for tonight were cancelled - or so i thought.

BUT I THOUGHT WRONG.

Since I couldn't go out, the guys came over and kept me company :) i've got the awesomest friends, really. And now here I am.

Sabahawks 0 - T-team 2 :(
why sabah. WHY.

Oh well, the end.

Id like to sleep in peace, so please just stay out of my head. Please. I don't want anymore dreams of you :/

Hi. I'm bored.

the product of being bored.

the last picture is dedicated to tryphena.

And then it happened, it took me by surprise. I knew that you felt it too by the look in your eyes. -The Misfits

I'm way too lazy to post up pictures on facebook.. Is that a bad thing?

"Your car's beautiful. It brings out your eyes." - Callum

Well, yesterday was good.

It was the biology MCQ, the final trial exam! Fuck. Such a relieve to have those done and out of the way - hopefully my grades aren't too appalling. But if they are.. I know all I have to do is slave away at my books 24/7. I am hitting the library every day after school, though. So all should be good.

Anyway, I spent a good part of my day in One Borneo with CKM, Andrew, Nicole and Darren. Went to cyber - played a few rounds of COD4. Then had lunch at Hong Kong Recipe, Foo joined us there. After that we watched Killer Elite, not a bad movie actually. It had Jason Statham, so all was good in the hood. :3

At night, I went to up2u with Kevin, Tryphena, Timmy, Bong and Jerry. Which was then followed by some serious destressing at The Bed.

So. Much. Fun.
(No, my keyboard is not having a heart attack.)

Lots of dancing, and singing, and more dancing! SO MUCH FUN.

And to summarise today -

I went for brunch with Tryphena.
Went for lunch at Auntie Rita's place (nenek's 85th birthday)
Met up with Maxwell at Pan-Pac.
Talked to Heath about almost everything to do with school, the world, KK.. Yeah you get the drift.
Went to pick Jerry up to study.
Ended up back in Sutera cause the library was closed.
Went to Salim for a bit to see Timmy & Bong.
Sent Jerry to Bing's place.
Went back to Pan-Pac to pick up them aussie boys.
Waited there for a good hour.
Got to up2u.
Somebody broke a tomato bottle.
Nearly slipped when I got up.
Gave Beattie a hug, followed by him touching my face.
Fist bumped Callum.
Hugged Joel (who I just met today, btw.)
Ran to my car, ended up soaking wet because of God's midnight shower.
And here I am.

The australian boys are really really sweet. Such nice people. They're all going clubbing tonight. LOL.

ANYWAYYYYYYYYYY. I'm getting lazy.
Nights.

Sara Bareilles

Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back
At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?
All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one
Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again

Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth
And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view
Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart
And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again

It hurts to be here
I only wanted love from you
It hurts to be here
What am I gonna do?

All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching
All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again
I'll breathe again

MOTHERFUCK STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD :(

Undefined

Take a step back, fucking look at yourself. You are human. You are beautiful. You are so amazing. And you can be anything. You can be everything. Do not hate because someone broke your heart, or because your parents split up, your best friend betrayed you, the kid down the street called you fat, ugly, stupid, worthless. Do not concern yourself with things you cannot control. Cry when you need to, then let go when it's time. Don't hang onto painful memories just because you're afraid to forget. Let go of things that are in the past. Forget things that aren't worth remembering. Stop taking things for granted. Stop taking life for granted. Live for something. Live for yourself. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Fall in love. Fall out of love. Do this over and over until you know what it really is to love someone. Question things. Tell people how you really feel. Sleep under the stars. Create. Imagine. Inspire. Share something wonderful. Make something beautiful and then destroy it. Meet new people. Make someone's day. Follow your dreams. Life your life to its full potential. Just live, damnit.

Let go of all the horrible things in your life and just, freaking live.

Loss

How do we deal with it?

Those days you feel low, like everything's wrong and everything that could possibly turn out wrong, does. That rock in your chest that you continuously try to subdue, in fear that if you let yourself go, you'll lose it all.

Answer: You suck it in, and face everyday with a smile on your face. You occupy yourself with everything you can possibly occupy yourself with, to keep your mind off the things that bring you down.

In truth, all that's doing is pushing your problems aside, and one day it'll all catch up with you. It's inevitable. It's like a puppy, craving for attention, in that brief moment where all it wants is to be petted and to be given attention. To be loved and noticed. The more you push it away, the harder it's going to swing back and hit you smack in the face. Until eventually you realise that to get rid of it, you're going to have to face it. Head on.

Yeah, it's scary. Who wouldn't be afraid to face something that does nothing but bring them down? I, for one, refuse to be pulled down.

Get rid of the shit that pulls you down, spread your wings and fly.

That's one of my many motto's that I live by. But somehow, I can't get rid of the shit, and it's taken me this long to see that i've been doing nothing but pushing aside my problems. What happens when there's no exam to study for? Or when sleeping to stop thinking doesn't stop the thoughts from clouding my mind? Even I dont know.

At this point of time, I feel completely lost. I have no idea where I'm headed. The future freaks me out, like seriously wigs the shit out of me. What if I don't pick myself up in time for AS? What if I don't get the grades to get into Monash OR IMU? There goes everything I worked my ass off in highschool to get.

I lived my life, and somehow along the way - I lost myself. Even now, I can't find myself. Maybe I'll defer for a year. And what if after that year of deferral I don't want to go back to study? See, my brain really is cluttered. I feel caught up in between this web, of things I want, things I need, things I have.. Things I dont have. There's not a day that I dont I wish it were easier.

After all this time, I've finally come to terms with what I need to do. I need to find myself again. I need to find who I really am, and no matter what it takes, I will do exactly that, because at the end of the day - it is your life, and you owe it to yourself to be happy.

I act like your absence doesn't bother me at all, but it's killing me inside.

Stupid song made me think of you

So today, I woke up about 10:20 to a text message from mom saying:

"dont forget to send your sister her lunch. latest 11am."

I was so comfortable, and the room was nice and cold, I wanted to sleep all day. But yeah, I had to send leilana her lunch. I miss KIS actually, it's like this bittersweet feeling. Saw Mr. Davies, talked for a while - he didnt know I could drive. Blablablah.

On the way home I called Tim, to wake him up. Then I picked him up, he came over and TRIED to study. Which failed miserably. He ended up watching last night's replay in 3D instead. dumbass. OH WELL.

Then we went to One Borneo with Try, Bing, Bong, Ki, and Adrian. Chilled and watched Johnny English - which is absolutely AMAZING btw. I laughed so hard, initially at the movie then I couldnt tell whether I was laughing at the movie or at Tryphena laughing. Laughing is healthy! Dont be hating.

Now I'm home. After sitting on the side of the road for almost an hour. The exact spot where I was told that I was all sorts of things, by the one person I never expected it to come from. I guess, it hurts. I'm not too sure. Because I feel quite numb right now.

Why do we bother?

Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something.

Goodnight.

No girl should be treated like shit & pushed to the curb without a reason. No one’s perfect, girls get mad, they get sad, & if they’re jealous, that just shows you how much she wants you. All the good girls are the ones that get taken advantage of. When in reality, they should be treated like a queen, but instead they settle for less, for one simple guy that hurts her everyday & yet she never loved him less.

Entwined

Watch the dusking sun kiss the sea, so divine
Oh blushing Sea, turning into blood wine
I wonder how long this rapture will last
For how long the sea, with its spell will cast

And soon might crimson turn into embrace tight
When sun will love sea away from everyone's sight
Night that's absconding over the sun's burning cast
Yet again, sea will melt in the sun's shadow surpassed

On their romance the sky would spy through starry eyes
When waves rise and they both hide
They love so desperate that every second forever last
Who knows when morning knocks and bright rays blast

Day 13

I had a very good start to my day.

We (Tim, Bing, Bong, Adrian and I) went to watch Manchester United play against Chelsea at Salim. Manchester 3, Chelsea 1! WOOOOOOOOOOOO! Kesian la bing, he's a Chelsea fan. Lotsa crap talking was done during the match, which equals to lots of laughing.

Man, these boys really make me happy :)

Anyways, yesterday I didnt do much - stayed at home most of the day, cause I was too damn tired to do anything. But I did manage to go out and buy myself Grey's Anatomy Season 7! ASLKJFDOI£Q(*DFSKJ It's SO good. Also, I managed to get a good half an hour at the beach.

I dont know why, but I feel drawn to the ocean right now. It's funny how on the surface, the waves may be thrashing backwards and forwards but underneath it's as calm and serene as it ever could be. Or vice versa, the water is so calm it's almost mirror-like, but underneath the undercurrent, being extremely violent.

Maybe, that's how I feel. Everyday having to put on a mask and pretend that I'm fine, and that im over everything, when really - i'm no where close. Bleh.

I guess I'll end this here. I realised that the space bar on my laptop is really loud and my mom and sister are asleep. (Yes, i'm sleeping in my mom's room.)

Loving you, as always,
F

Just because we don't talk doesn't mean I don't think about you. I'm just trying to distance myself because I know I can't have you.

FUCK YEAH IT DELETED

The video deleted! Finally! So happeh.

But a short shout out to Aina who commented on it:

I miss you everyday baby, I promise to visit you soon :) or well, soonish. Maybe at the end of the year x

I hope everything's treating you alright,
love you!

And to tryphena, who undoubtedly saw the video :)

thank you for being my rock when I can't hold myself up.
love you forever.

PS: Good luck with physics practical tomorrow ♥

Sigh.

OKAY! Onto greater things, like.. downloading more books.

Day 12

Good afternoon, bloggers.

After my very embarrassing video last night, one which I am failing to delete, because it won't load past the delete post button. Wtf. I just decided to post a little short something, in hopes of it covering up my misery.

So Kevin came over last night, and we talked about his issues. And it seems like, everyone's taking everyone for granted. It's pure bullshit. Someone gives you their heart and you just go "oh alright, thats nice." then move on? Ugh. Some people.

Anywayyyyyyyyyy, today I plan on editing more pictures then going out later to develop them, should be fun. But I'm also kinda tired and lazy seeing as I slept at about 5.30am :/

And on that note, I think i'm going to go and look for more books to read, now.

No time

This says everything I need to say.

Sorry I havent been writing recently, been really caught up with school and such.

I loved you not because I wanted you to love me too.
But rather, I loved you simply because I found no reason not to.

Salim.

So I'm in Salim now, with the boys. Waiting for the Manchester United match to start, but I'm already falling asleep.. What is it with me and my inability to stay awake past 11.30? :/ I want the holidays back. I could sleep late, but most importantly wake up late.

On the up side, Sabah won against Kedah 2-1! SABAH HAWKS REPRESENT.

I've come to a conclusion, after the breakup I realized that my feelings for him werent fading.. As fast as I'd like them to be, mainly because I have to see him everyday, and because I hang out with people in places that remind me of everything we used to be and used to do. My phone password hasn't changed yet either. My god, I sound pathetic.

Truthfully? I just haven't gotten over him, because I'm not ready yet. It's as simple as that. The pain of the break up is still fresh, like it happened yesterday, and seeing him still brightens my day. It's funny how we said we could still be friends but now treat eachother like complete strangers.

"maybe that's just your way, of dealing with the pain, forgetting everything between our rise and fall.. Like we never loved at all."

Faith Hill always has songs that completely relate to the situation. It's frustrating. When you have so much to say but you can't say it.

There are moments where I just feel like picking up my phone and texting him but within that split second; I put my phone down and occupy myself with other things. I just wish someone would create a handbook for how to get over the people you really care(d) about. Sigh.

Day 3 and Day 4

Yesterday was alright, went to school as usual - left with Bing, Bong, Tim & Adrian. Had to squish in the smallest car possible. Me being in the middle as usual, but my ass is smaller than theirs so :3 thats a good and a bad thing all in one. Went to makan at Upperstar Lintas thennnnn - I GOT TO DRIVE!

So scary man, shiets. I've never driven a fighter in my life. Hahaha, but was way fun. Blablablablah - I went to tuition. Came home, got ready then went to D' Junction for the opening of Jon Paradise. Who, btw is amazing.

Today I went to watch the Smurfs again, with my little sister, Bong and Tim :) So cute.

And now, I'm sitting here waiting for Victor to pick me up to go to the stadium to watch Sabah Hawks! :D my first Sabah game! So excited! I feel like a little kid who just got candy. But I have a problem, I dont have anything red to wear.

Biarlah. I'll just go in Blue! Cause I've always been blue house :P Teehee.

Today's a good day. I'll write again later!

Love, F

I gave up because you refused to fight for me like I fought for you.

Inspiring ♥

K.

K? K what?
The letter before L, the letter after J?
Did you know that in JK, K stands for 'kidding'.
So your reply is 'kidding'?
Or K as in Potassium?
Do you need some Special K in your breakfast?

K, as in I can K/O you?
Can I knock you out and feed you to hungry sharks?
Sharks has a K in it too.

K, as in you're too 'kool' to spell cool with a C?
But what kind of answer would C, be?
That's just as bad as K.

I live in a town called Kota Kinabalu,
in short form its called KK.
So that's double the 'K' you'll ever have.

K!?

SLDKFJ)*£Q)KFLDKJSF9034820-023409808)(*£)"(*!_039ewd

I hate one letter answers.

K.

Thx.

Bai.

:)

Part of Today's Playlist.

Our God - Chris Tomlin
Science & Faith - The Script
Someone Like You - Adele
Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5
Titanium - Sia ft. David Guetta
Awakening - Switchfoot
Afterlife - Avenged Sevenfold
Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine
Sing - My Chemical Romance

Day 2

Hello bloggers,

Today was very uneventful. I didnt go to school because of the damn migraine, spent a good part of the day sleeping - much needed sleep I reckon. But I feel guilty for not studying as much as I should've been; I didnt go to tuition as well.

Going to stay up tonight to get some uber studying done. I've got a Chemistry MCQ tomorrow, I have no idea where she pulls all these tests out from. Studies are stressing me out; plus the ongoing emotional battle in my head/heart has gone into overdrive. It's tiring.

But on the bright side. It's Friday tomorrow! TGIF! Kevin's got a gig at D' Junction so I'll be spending my night over there with Wellington and maybe a friend as well (: Should be all good.

As for how angry I am at the world.. I think having a day off from school helped kill my anger just a little bit. Which is always good.

On the other hand, everybody's breaking up. I don't get it. Hello, break-up season. This just gives me a reason to hate guys more than I actually do. I understand that girls are to blame as much as guys are in certain ways. But recently, the bitchiness of guys have escalated by a shit load. It's scary. You want to break up, fine. Break it off, but do you really have to add those snide comments/remarks just to make us feel worse about ourselves? No wait, you do that only to make yourself feel better. My bad.

It's ridiculous.

Relationships are overrated :)

Goodnight, world. I'll hold onto this message.

Happy Birthday to my best friend, Ami Yamada (: Thank you for always being there & for kicking ass whenever I couldnt do it for myself!

Apa hal, bro?

That's all I needed. Someone to frickin, understand.. I dont need your advice or personal opinions on the matter. I dont even want you to get involved.

I dont see what's so hard, ugh.

I feel like, repainting my room, rearranging it, so I have more floor space, I need a new desk, I have to throw out lotsa clothes to make space for the new ones, blablablah.

I'm so stressed out and angry with the world, right now.
NOTGOOOOOOOD.

Addicted

Thanks to Selwyn, I'm addicted to this song.
Although I have to say it has an amazing beat

& lovely words (:

Want a piece of advice? Don't get into relationship. Its messy & mostly, you'll just end up hurting yourself.

Day 1

I woke up this morning and told myself: "I'm not going to be sad anymore."
I refuse to be known as the girl who got dumped. I refuse to be weak. Seeing him everyday sets something off in my head, an alarm bell of sorts. Telling me to stay away.

I don't understand why people bother falling in love. At the end, all it gets you is hurt. The moment you start to care, is the moment you get hurt. It's nonsensical. Or maybe my head tells me its nonsensical. But it is non-the-less.

Maybe I'm just cold hearted.

Or maybe, I'm just sick of being given reasons why I should never fall for anyone too hard.

This is making me lose my mind.

My feelings are, everywhere.

And I'm feeling everything, at once.
Goddamnit.