What do you do when the one thing thats supposed to take you higher, starts to bring you down?

There's so much more than me and you.

Ancient history.

damn son, look what i just found. one of our KIS dances! honestly, I was just surfing through youtube & BAM! this one comes up out of all the billions of videos. Hahaha. So embarrassing, but it definitely brings back lots of good memories :)

Truth be spoken.

"Be that strong girl that everyone knew would make it through the worst, be that fearless girl who would dare to do anything, be that independent girl, who didn't need a man; 


be the girl who never backed down."

Summer!

well hello there, summer has officially begun!

 I'M ON FIREEEE, NOW I THINK I'M READY TO BUST-A-MOVE!

No more exams, graduation is over, and prom was a mere two days ago!
Ahh, this feeling is bliss - lots of things i've decided to do before I head off to uni in January.

1. Watch so many movies my eyeballs pop out.
2. Hit the gym and get fit again.
3. Party til I drop.
4. Be "one" with the sea/beach.
5. Spend as much time as I want reading.
6. Find a summer job :)
7. Go on a crazy ass shopping spree!

 AND ULTIMATELY,

 8. I'm going to find myself again. 

 Goodness, so many things to do, so little time! I hope all of you guys have a fabulous summer, as i'm sure as hell going to enjoy mine!

Lots of love!

Song of the day. </3

Conscious.

After looking through pictures, and long hours of comparison I have deduced the source of my unhappiness. For a long time I've not given a crap about how I look or whether I should apply make up whenever I go out, well... Here goes my useless rant/on-going battle with myself:

 - Why are my thighs so massive? I don't get it, I can't use a pair of shorts without feeling conscious about whether my fats are jiggling or whether I've got cellulite literally raping the under side of my legs.

 - My pimples are never ending, no matter what I do.

 - My hair is too short, or too straight, or too boring, or not flouncy and bouncy enough, or what if I look like shit when my hair grows out, cause I know my hair gets way too flat when it's long, and it's always such a boring color.

 - Generic eyebags. I've had them ever since I was a baby, to top that off I've got these lines under my eyes as well.

- My teeth aren't straight, I only have myself to blame for that - I didn't keep my braces on for longer, or whatever shit.

- My skin is never soft, they're either always really dry, or they're soft and shit before, then within hours it dries up again.

- I AM SHORT AS FUCK. I can't even get away with dresses nicely.

 I also have this issue with comparing myself with other people, who in my eyes are very pretty. It's like - 'why can't I look like that?' or.. 'what if he prefers girls who are like that?' AND in the worst case scenario I always end up questioning myself about my personality.

I'm not innocent, I don't sit at home and watch Korean dramas all day, I don't choose sleep over clubbing with friends, I don't walk into a club and just sit and watch everybody grind each other or dance like lunatics, I have more than one piercing, I swear... A LOT.

 Then there's the issue with not being able to speak any language other than english, or well.. I can't speak anything else fluently and all the other languages I actually understand or can speak aren't used in this country.

Then comes the case of 'shit, what if they don't like me?' or 'shit, what if i don't fit in?'

Ultimately, I always end up listening to other peoples opinions of me, I always tell myself that I really can't be fucked to pay attention to all the bullshit other people have said about me. But in reality, I do pay a lot of attention to shit like that, I try to make everybody happy, and ignore the things I want for myself, "you must have your hair like this." or.. "no you may not do that to your nails" or.. OH WHAT THE HELL. It's basically like I can't lead my own life no matter what I do. UGH.

 The most frustrating part of all this is, it's actually finally getting to me.

Almost 6.